Pointing things at your eye while you're driving?

I’ve seen people doing all sorts of non-driving-related things while they’re driving, some of them more bizarre than others. Each time I see a new bizarre one, one that surpasses all the others, I think I’ve just encountered the ultimate example of the extent to which people can be stupid.

But, you know, there’s always one further step they can take.

I’ve seen men shaving with electric razors, and I thought that was pretty bad.

I’ve seen women putting on makeup, and I thought that was worse.

I’ve seen people reading the newspaper (not in traffic jams; I’m talking about regular highway speeds, with the paper opened across the steering wheel), and I thought that really won the prize.

Then text messaging became popular, and people now type text messages while they’re driving. And that had to be number one.

But on Friday morning, I saw a woman curling her eyelashes (using one of these gadgets) while going about 70 miles per hour on the Taconic Parkway. And that has my current vote for the most moroniic thing I’ve seen yet on the road.

You’re going to hold a metal object right against your eye while you’re driving? Never mind the distraction from the road and the traffic. Never mind how you’re blocking your view. Forget about having taken your hand away from the wheel, the fine movement you have to make to position it right, the way you’ve turned the mirror to help yourself out. What happens if you hit a pothole?

[Ka-bump! Arm lurches. Device is jammed into eye. Driver screams and swerves across three lanes of rush-hour traffic. Newspaper headline reads, “17 Dead in Multi-Car Pile-Up; speed, eyelash-curler blamed”.]

Heilige Scheiße! If you’re running that late, just leave your eyelashes un-curled for the day, hm?